Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
