I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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