We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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