Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
