I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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