***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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