i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
