Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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