All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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