I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize