Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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