nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
