dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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