no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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