I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
