my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
