That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
