you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
