I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
