I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
