You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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