I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
