when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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