Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
