I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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