I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
