True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
high people should be assigned attendants
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sobbing to NWA
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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