he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
