I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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