Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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