I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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