so explain again why im purple
no
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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