My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
