There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
