craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i now understand why vodka
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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