I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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