Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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