Christians are straight up FREAKS
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
