it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
In other news, I just burned my penis
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
