I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
