Swine flu. Run for my life!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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