She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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