Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
