Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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