Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
