i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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