Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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