naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
