my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
