Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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