Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You are a genius and a whore.
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