Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
