everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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