my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
