I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
