go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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