i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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