I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
