Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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