in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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