I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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