you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
