i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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