So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Randomize
