Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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