Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Holy shit dude........stairs
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