he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
